holding it gently as if it were some delicate and sensitive bird； and my

thoughts became muddled。 I didn’t read the letters again。 The sun broke

through the clouds and it occurred to me that if I’d entered Hasan’s

bedchamber one night and made love with him； no one； except Allah；

would’ve been the wiser。 He did resemble my missing husband； it’d be the

same　thing。　Sometimes　a　strange　thought　like　this　entered　my　head。　As　the　sun

quickly　warmed　me；　I　could　feel　my　body：　my　skin；　my　neck；　even　my　nipples。

Orhan　slipped　inside　as　the　sunlight　struck　me　through　the　open　door。

“Mama；　what　are　you　reading？”　he　said。

All　right　then；　remember　how　I　said　that　I　didn’t　reread　the　letters　Esther

had　just　delivered？　I　lied。　I　was　in　the　midst　of　reading　them　again。　This　time；　I

truly　did　fold　them　up　and　tuck　them　away　in　my　blouse。

“e　here；　you；　onto　my　lap；”　I　said　to　Orhan。　He　did　so。　“Oh　my；　you’re

so heavy。 May God protect you； you’ve gotten quite big；” I said and kissed

him。　“You’re　as　cold　as　ice…”

“You’re　so　warm；　Mama；”　he　interrupted；　leaning　back　onto　my　bosom。

We were leaning tight against each other； enjoying sitting that way in

silence。　I　smelled　the　nape　of　his　neck　and　kissed　him。　I　hugged　him　even　more

tightly。　We　were　still。

97

“I’m　feeling　ticklis